Friday, May 4, 2007

Mock drafts make me laugh

I have spent the last couple of days doing a couple of things:

1) Trying to get this website going
2) Sulking over the Heat’s pathetic attempt at a championship defense
3) Trying to sort out the NFL draft

And in this last item I have found enough humor to get me through this miserable sports week. Well, that and the Marlins beating the Mets last night.

Looking over all of the pre-draft nonsense I have realized the draft prognosticators don’t know any more about draft day than my 20 month old. It’s true. I put a bunch of names with a piece of construction paper and glue sticks in front of little Dante and he created his own draft boared. The next day he slicked back hair, put on a suit, and began ranting that Cam Cameron was an idiot for not taking Brady Quinn.

Every mock draft I saw was completely off the mark.

Just look at the top five picks. Most did not see Joe Thomas going to Cleveland, and everyone said Millen can’t draft a wide receiver because he is bad at picking the position. Well if a blind man goes up to Angelina Jolie feels her breasts and says, “You are the one for me,” are we going to judge that choice just because his last wife was 300 pounds and had a wooden leg (by the way this is an exact description of ex-Lion first rounder Mike Williams).

Rounding out the top five, Gaines Adams to the Bucs didn’t seem to fill an immediate need and screamed value, and the Cardinals reached out to grab Levi Brown. The only pick that the experts got right was Russell, the most obvious choice of the draft, and they went back and forth on that until Roger Goodell made his first step to the podium.

But next year I will be back reading every mock, and their will be about 4,000 more than there were this year. Why? Because mock drafts are male gossip columns. Who is the fastest? Who is the strongest? Who gets high and fights dogs for sport?

I can’t wait until next year, with all of the mocks trying to out do each other who knows what info will come out. This will most likely be the way that we get our first outed gay football player.

Would that make his draft stock fall or rise?

No comments: